Before 40

I never ever thought I would be the one in eight, with no family history, How could this happen to me? On October 26th 2007 days before my 40th birthday I found a lump. I already had a mammogram booked since I was turning 40. I had the mammogram and ultrasound and was referred to a surgeon, just to be sure but he TOTALLY assured me it was nothing ..
My women’s intuition told me it was something.

For every woman who has a waited in a hospital gown for the results and for every woman with the fear of a diagnosis. I have been there, I remember being in his office awaiting the results, I sat there in that cold room what seemed like hours he opened the door and I knew, the look on his face said it all.

He starts with “I am sorry I have to tell you” then I hear “invasive carcinoma” and before he had a chance to finish, my mind had left the building, my body still there in shock and disbelief. I was not able to understand what he was saying. I had no family history, no warning, no reason. It was like an out of body experience

My life now sat on a timer!

You have cancer. Three powerful words with brutal force and impact, I felt stomach sick, like someone had kicked the wind out of me. The blow was horrific, I hurried to the bathroom and sat on the floor and hugged the toilet and pleaded with God to take the cancer away. I cried till there were no more tears left, I was numb and in shock.

I wanted to go back to the day before when everything was normal. When I was a healthy wife, and mom .I had a loving husband and 2 kids, great friends, life was good for me, I took life for granted, I never had to face dying, I never challenged my human existence on this earth, I didn’t realize how good my life was until something so powerful came in and turned everything upside down.

The shock of everything, was surreal. My life now was on fast forward, I remember waking up from surgery and not wanting to look at myself, finally days after I forced myself to, I was shocked, I had over 50 staples across my chest and under my arm, and tubes coming out, it was the saddest thing I had ever seen, what happened to my body? I never wanted my husband to ever look at me again

Breast cancer is not a pretty thing. but I believe this needs to be shared openly and without shame

I was cut up, left mutilated and then rebuilt ,and my scars carved deep in my chest to preserve my life are the proof of what I have been through and over the years I have come to love my scars, they represent beauty hope and strength, my flat lines up and down and across my chest represent LIFE and not the flat line of death 

Now it’s been 4 years since my last surgery, the journey has been full of pain ups and downs ,biopsies, surgeries, lumpectomies, mastectomies infection’s scars and more scars

And they still continue to slice tiny bits of me, not sure if it’s over yet or ever will be but I am proud honored privileged and blessed to be amongst the living and been given 3650 days of extra life  
I am grateful for all the amazing good things that have come my way throughout my journey
I am living and sharing my journey to empower, inspire and offer hope to others
#breastcancer #strengh #scarsproject #skindeep #getchecked #yeg#everyonehasastory #bekind