College Is Sad

Dear Diary,

College is sad. Everything about it here is sad. the pandemic makes it worse. I’m stuck in my dorm and only go out to use the bathroom. I will not lie and say my mental health hasn’t taken a toll in this either. As my anxiety has worsened I’ve found myself even being too scared to use the bathroom or to go to the SU and eat.  I joked about it with some friends and apparently holding in your pee for hours and not eating when your starving isn’t normal. I find myself deeply sighing after every zoom class. It feels as if I’m not learning but just making sure i turn in an assignment before 11:59 pm. I find myself crying every night because I feel like this was the wrong decision. The wrong major. Maybe I should’ve taken a gap year? Maybe I should drop out? No. I don’t want to disappoint my family. It feels as I’m getting this degree for them and not for me.  If I do drop out what’s the other option? College has been shoved down my throat since pre-k I know no other option. Now that I’m here,  I hate it. I hate being isolated. I hate being depressed. I hate being so anxious. This is supposed to be the best time of my life…but it seems like it’s the worst. Sleeping is the only time where I feel content.

Submitted by a student at Middle Tennessee State University