Dealing With My Demons

Dear Diary,

I am full again. The shame of my addiction eats at me like the ravenous beast who controls my mind. I stick my fingers down my throat and surrender to my demons.  I feel so weak as I force myself back up. My demons are in the mirror looking back at me.  They dare me to fight back as they hide themselves from below the surface. No one knows the hell I am going through.

Bulimia for me is a form of negative control that started at the age of 16. My world was falling apart all around me and the only thing I had control over was my diet and nutrition. Somehow I lost myself along the way.

It wasn’t until I was in my first year of classes that my demons reared their ugly heads. This is when they truly started to take control over my life. Being away from home for the first time was almost too overwhelming.  So many changes and experiences as well as having to deal with the expectations and pressures I put on myself.

The good news is I realized I needed help and I did start seeing a counselor. I was honest with them and they gave me tools to help guide me to a path where I would slowly learn how to deal with my addiction.  My demons don’t define my worth anymore. I know now there is hope and I am learning to love myself again, but every day is still a challenge.

Take my advice.  Be open and honest with yourself and the people around you.   Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.