I Just Don’t Know Who I Really Am

Dear Diary,

I feel fat.  I am model thin, but I feel like 1000 pounds.  I take care of myself.  I work out and I eat very healthily.  I look at myself and I KNOW I am beautiful on the inside, but I want to be better.  I want to be “that” person.  You know, that person you look at and say, “why can’t I be like them?”  People say I am beautiful, but they don’t know the struggles I go through.  Just five pounds makes an enormous difference in my outlook.  Then, there is the voice.  I hate my voice.  Somedays I want to be more sweet and southern.  Other days I want to be “that” girl that commands respect from the world around her.  I just don’t know what to be.  All I know is I am here and I am doing my best.  But, who am I really?  I know what I want to be, but I just don’t know how to get there and I don’t know how to accept who I am.  Most of the time I just want to go far away and really think about who I am.  Maybe I can after this semester.  Diary, thanks for listening.  Maybe it will help someone.  Maybe even me.