29 Apr I Just Don’t Know Who I Really Am
I feel fat. I am model thin, but I feel like 1000 pounds. I take care of myself. I work out and I eat very healthily. I look at myself and I KNOW I am beautiful on the inside, but I want to be better. I want to be “that” person. You know, that person you look at and say, “why can’t I be like them?” People say I am beautiful, but they don’t know the struggles I go through. Just five pounds makes an enormous difference in my outlook. Then, there is the voice. I hate my voice. Somedays I want to be more sweet and southern. Other days I want to be “that” girl that commands respect from the world around her. I just don’t know what to be. All I know is I am here and I am doing my best. But, who am I really? I know what I want to be, but I just don’t know how to get there and I don’t know how to accept who I am. Most of the time I just want to go far away and really think about who I am. Maybe I can after this semester. Diary, thanks for listening. Maybe it will help someone. Maybe even me.