29 Oct Sadness
I’m trying so hard to reach my goals and yet at every turn it seems like the universe is determined to stop me. I know myself. I know that the longer I am here, the more burned out I will get, so I need to finish soon if I want to continue to the career I’ve imagined for myself. I’ve done this before. I burned myself out last time so when I finally graduated I no longer wanted what I had imagined for myself. I was lost, aimless. Wandering the world with no purpose. I’ve found another purpose, but I am not educated enough to reach it. So I came back. I’m getting the education needed, but I only have so long before the education will burn me out and I will no longer have the future I imagined for myself that set me on this path. I tried to reach out, to get help, but at every turn I was spurned away. No one seems able to help me. They say they want to help, but when I ask for help I get crickets. I am ignored time and time again. So then I have to ask myself. Is this worth it? Is my future worth it? Or should I just give up and disappear into oblivion. I can feel the darkness encroaching into what light I have left in my life. I wish things could be different but I’ve learned nothing will ever change. No one will help you, so you have to help yourself. You have to be strong in your own right to survive in the world because no one will help you or shield you. So am I strong enough to survive?