21 Aug Shame No More
She noticed her stomach swelling to a point where she looked pregnant; it was tender but not painful enough to go to the hospital. She tolerated it for a while but it keep swelling up and her mom decided it needed to be looked at. She was 13 years old.
She received an x-ray and they noticed something wasn’t right, the left side of her rib cage had lifted up to accommodate the swelling therefore further tests were conducted.
After numerous specialists and testing they discovered her spleen had ruptured and she had been carrying a gallon of blood and fluid in her stomach. She was asked if she was in a major car accident because that could be the cause but later it was deemed she had a ‘spontaneous eruption’, which is very rare, and there was no explanation as to why it happened.
Surgery was scheduled but not for a few months due to her being in school and therefore it was decided she would wait it out till the end of the school year. In hindsight, looking back, she could have died during that time.
The surgery left her with a thick and angry red scar that when healed; she hid and covered up as much as possible. She hated it so much and felt very self-conscious and beyond embarrassed. For years after, she always made sure it was covered up and didn’t wear any clothing to expose it. She received cortisone injections for a long time after to help diminish the scar but the results were not enough to make a difference so she stopped. She felt hopeless and decided nothing could be done to help her or so she thought.
One day she was looking at the scar in the mirror and it suddenly struck her, she was the one convincing herself of how ugly her scar was. She was the one who felt shame and embarrassment. She realized those thoughts of hating it were her own and she could change that in herself. She knew she needed to change her mindset and to stop; otherwise she would go on forever hating her body.
She wasn’t going to hide it or be embarrassed anymore. She wasn’t going to cover it up at the beach or at the pool, she realized those thoughts of hating it were her own and she was shaming herself. She decided that moment, the scar belonged to her and she would shame herself no more…