29 Oct Suffocated Grad
Suffocated. That’s probably the best word I could use that describes the way I feel. I’m constantly trying to better myself and my future with getting work done and finding new opportunities to do on campus. Yet, it never feels enough. It never feels that I’m getting closer to accomplishing my dreams. I’m a first-generation graduate student. I come from an Asian-American family where expectations to provide and to be successful financially are high. My degree has opportunities to expand in the field, but I feel limited with the area I’m in. Sometimes I worry about the future so much I start to feel numb. I start to slowly drift into the idea of ending it all, including myself, just to stop feeling like a disappointment. I had plans to have goals reached when I turned 25 and unfortunately, I haven’t checked off half my list of what I wanted to achieve. I keep telling myself that my college and career journey shouldn’t have a timeline, that my age shouldn’t be seen as a burden. But how long will it take for me to feel like I can breathe again? I’m doing the best I can, but it never feels like enough.