The Invisible

Dear Diary,

I walk around campus and I see faces. Faces of people who appear to have it all together, who are doing well in school, and who have lots of friends. As I sit at home during this time of self-isolation, I scroll through social media and see the same thing. I have pushed everyone away. I have chosen to fight on my own. But the weight of it has become too much to bear. Each day, I wake up and feel unmotivated and purposeless; it’s as if my life has lost all meaning. I only talk to one person each day. I have at least 100 unread text messages from people because I’m too mentally exhausted to pick up my phone, or I’m too afraid that I won’t be enough for them. It seems like everywhere I go, a cloud of depression hovers over my head and taunts me. It tells me there’s no point in even trying because I’ll end up being a failure in the end. It tells me how I’m lonely and how no one will want anything to do with the anxious depressed girl. Some days, it tells me that there’s no point in living. These are the things that people don’t see. This is my invisible.