The Queen I Am

Dear Diary,

Although this is old news,  I would like to share this. I don’t know why this has been on my mind lately, but I am thinking about a past relationship that I had coming into college the first semester of my Freshman year.

I was in this relationship for almost a year. At first, everything was great. He was a nice guy, really sweet, handsome, and he loved spending time with me. It wasn’t until the sixth or seventh month when I started to see his true colors. I remember when he started tripping on me and telling me that I couldn’t hang with my friends. He told me that he felt like they weren’t good for me. He thought that when I hung out with my friends, they would influence me sneak around, which was never the case. He always wanted me in his sight. I stayed around him 24/7, just sitting at his house watching TV with him, or at his friend’s house with him watching them play the game. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. I actually enjoyed spending time with him and his friends because I was friends with them too. Now that I look back on that relationship, we hardly went anywhere or on any dates so I don’t know why I stuck around for so long. Also, he never bought me anything during Christmas time when I got him a nice amount of stuff.

When I came to college that’s when it really got bad. I remember the day I moved in, that following night he wanted to face time, so of course, I did. We had a good conversation for the most part. We stayed on the phone until we both went to sleep, throughout the night the call dropped. When I woke up the next morning, he blew my phone up asking me why did I hang up, what was I doing, etc… He tried to accuse me of cheating and several times after that. I never went anywhere the first semester of my Freshman year because I didn’t want him thinking I was doing stuff. I went straight to class and back to my dorm, I sacrificed my fun. I never understood it. I don’t know why I continued to stick around through that. I remember he started saying I was boring and that I didn’t know how to have a conversation. He always talked down on me. It wasn’t until the tenth month that I decided that I had enough of his toxic ways. I was tired mentally and emotionally… at this point, I became numb to everything. I finally told him off. I was sad at first but I honestly couldn’t do it anymore. I was tired of crying, downing myself, feeling alone, etc.. From that day on, I promised myself I WOULD NEVER settle for less and that goes with any and everything. Never let a guy belittle you and make you feel worthless. About 2 – 3 months after that relationship, I found out he was the one that was cheating on me. Crazy world right? It took me four years to be able to be in another relationship again, but I don’t regret waiting. I am happy now, I know what I deserve, and I have someone that treats me like the QUEEN that I am.