The Weight Of The World

Dear Diary,

I’ve never felt this overwhelmed in my entire life. I oftentimes catch myself just laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, hoping that something new and good will happen. It never does. This is not what college is supposed to look like.

I think about how last March, I was so excited for classes to go online, because it was a fun change in pace and aligned itself with my introverted self. In January, when I stepped onto campus for the first time in almost a year, I cried. I cried because, for one hour a week, I get to experience being on a college campus again. I cried because this is the last time I will ever be able to enjoy undergrad. I cried because I only have two more months left at school and it’s ending in such chaos.

I shouldn’t cry for things that are out of my control. I should also take my blessings where they come. I work from home, I do school from home, I have a good home and I have friends and family around me. More often than not, though, I catch myself staring at that same exact spot on my ceiling, wishing for something different. I feel overwhelmed.

I feel overwhelmed staring at my plants as they wilt over, because I haven’t watered them in weeks. I feel overwhelmed at the pit in my stomach, because the thought of cooking sounds all too much. I feel overwhelmed at the dwindling stack of toilet paper in my linen closet, because another trip to the store sounds exhausting.

All I want to do is play my video games, but even that sounds too exhausting. I am overwhelmed by school. I am overwhelmed at the thought of doing anything of substance. I am overwhelmed at the idea of being a human again.

I am overwhelmed with the weight of the world.