When It Rains, It Pours

Dear Diary,

Sometimes it really feels like bad things come in waves, and the waves can easily become tsunamis. The pandemic has been hard. The Black Lives Movement has been beautiful and necessary and tragic and horrifying to keep up with. The election is a disaster. These are all things we are going through together, and they are difficult. And then everyone has their own lives and struggles and challenges. Lately, I have been bombarded with bad news and anxiety. My dog of 12 years has been diagnosed with bone cancer. We have 3-5 months with her. She has been my best friend since I was 13. My heart is broken. I am engaged, and my fiance’s mother has moved from stage 3 to stage 4 of COPD. She called the other day to tell us she is scared that she is dying. She is an amazing, warm, and loving woman. It hurts to know she is afraid, and it hurts to watch her son be afraid for her. I am stuck in a job which asks too much of me. I took the job while I was on a gap-semester with the promise it would be flexible enough to work with my schooling. I am constantly overwhelmed and pressed with deadlines that line up with school deadlines. I tried to quit last week and they said they would try to find compromise for me to stay. So far, nothing has changed and I am still so anxious every day I go into work. They made me feel small when I told them I was overwhelmed. I look for a new job every weekend, but nothing pays enough or fits my class schedule. I am normally a strong and confident individual. Lately, I cry at least once a day.